he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
