i don't like sucking hair
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
