I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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