Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
