We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
