His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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