I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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