ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
