we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
