walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
