South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
