Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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