i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
