a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
