then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
