Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
