wanna go halves on a baby?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
