i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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