So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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