you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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