my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
