I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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