who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
