I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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