mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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