Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
