i think my tv is drunk
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
