her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
