what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
