So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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