I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
