i wish my penis had a tongue
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
