i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
