Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
