doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
