Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
