Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just google imaged poop.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
