so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
