We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i came on her dog
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
