Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
