It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
