Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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