11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
