I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
