Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
