I wannas sexs uuuuu
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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