I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
