so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
