I have demons in me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
