No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
