The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it glows. i had to have it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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