You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
